THE AUTHOR STARTS WITH THE CHAPTER:
MARRIAGE: CONTROL OR CHAOS.
The purpose of this book-admittedly an optimistic purpose-is to enable the people to see the necessity for such inner directions and to help them to acquire it.
“One sign of maturity”. I told them, “in recognition of the fact that all people have flaws, including you. Another is the ability to learn from past mistakes. So go on home and start learning. You’ll be happy if you do, miserable if you don’t. It’s simple as that!”
There is no easy prescription. There is only one rule that applies in virtually in every case. Control yourself. That’s the secret: control, control, control.
“The real goal in marriage,” I told them, “is not to eliminate all quarrels; it’s to have civilized one rather brutal, hurtful ones that leave permanent scars. And there are specific, definite things to keep in mind.
For instance, try to keep a different level of opinion at the discussion-not the argument-level. Keep your voice down. If the heat begins to build up, speak in a whisper. It’s very difficult to carry on a violent argument in a whisper! Look down at your hands.
1. Are you gripping the arm of the chair?
2. Are your fingers clenched?
Before you hurl your next verbal bombshell, take ten deep breaths-this is better than simply counting to ten.
Incidentally, beware of that word ‘always.’ If you start telling your married partner that he or she ‘always’ does this, does that, it’s a sign that you are losing your own emotional control.
Deep understanding underlines the gentle and Christ-like quality that we call compassion. “Tout comprendre” says that old French proverb. “c”est tout pardonner-to understand everything is to forgive everything.
Timing is the key to success in almost everything, from athletics to salesmanship, and marriage is no exception.
Good timing isn’t accidental or instinctive; it’s a blend of imagination and awareness of other people needs, and self-control. And like all self-discipline, it pays a great dividend to who master it.
Each of them has to agree to contribute half an hour a day period of a week, agree to follow directions, and agree to complete the experiment even though they may resist some part of it as first.
Again, the author got the memo to the reader, number 5.
STOP STARING AT STEREOTYPES:
Try it yourself, and you may surprise sometimes at how your attitude changes. Now let’s take look at the area of life where there should be no stereotypes, where interpersonal attitudes are all-important: the family itself.